10. The most surprising side effect from all the steroids he took? At one point, his nipples produced motor oil.

9. He still regrets passing up the opportunity to be one of the original investors in Zubaz Pants.

8. When he was a Toronto Blue Jay, he learned that B.J. Birdy had a giant heated birdbath in his condo and he frequently invited the mascots for the St. Louis Cardinals and Baltimore Orioles to come hang out and get drunk off fermented pyracantha berries.

7. Speaking of the Blue Jays -- if you rub Dave Stieb's moustache, he has to grant you three wishes.

6. When he played in Boston during Mo Vaughn's 1995 MVP season, the Red Sox conspired to hide the fact that Vaughn tested positive for Twinkies.

5. Alex Rodriguez only stopped his pursuit of Jose Canseco's wife, Jessica, when A-Rod learned that she was not, in fact, born male.

4. He still prefers his original suggestion for the title of his first book: "Steroided".

3. Part of his motivation for using steroids stems from low self-esteem due to the fact that he never learned how to whistle or blow bubbles. (Editor's note: Me neither, Jose. I feel your pain.)
 
2. He will endorse any product (regardless of its legality) or attend your child's birthday party or bar mitzvah for $1,000 in cash or the equivalent in mesh shirts.

1. This one time, in band camp...

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