I didn't expect anything particularly revealing to come out of Roger Clemens' testimony before the United States House of Representatives Committee on Oversight and Government today, and as expected, he continues to deny ever taking steroids or human growth hormone.

His wife, Debbie Clemens? That's another story. Roger admitted today that Debbie took HGH to help get her in shape for her 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit photo shoot.

Quite a guy, huh? He'll lie to protect his own image to the end of the earth, but his wife? Hey man, that's her problem. I can't wait until they find a receipt for steroids signed by Roger so he can say, "Oh, that's for my kids. Those little rascals gobble up the steroids like Flintstone vitamins."

Speaking of which, how do you suppose Valentine's Day will be in the Clemens household? Hope you've got a comfortable couch, Rocket. You might be sleeping there until Christmas.

Some of you might be protesting how matter-of-factly I state that Clemens is lying about whether or not he took steroids. I'd advise those people to check out Clemens' prepared opening statement for the House Committee, specifically the sixth paragraph from the bottom where he said, "Do I think steroids are good for helping someone's performance? No. In fact, I think they are detrimental."

Wait, I need a minute... BWAH-HA-HA-HA! *wipes tears of laughter from face*

Oh, that's rich. Roger Clemens isn't just a liar, he's a weird liar. Apparently he's willing to let us believe he's a complete dumbass as long as we don't think he took performance-enhancing drugs to help him be a better baseball player.

I'm sure there will be lots more fun little tidbits that will come out of Clemens' testimony today, but for some reason I find the part about his wife to be the most revealing of his character. Just as I've long suspected, Roger cares about Roger and Roger alone – on and off the baseball field.

Feedback or column suggestions? Send them to the-5-hole@hotmail.com.